I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
