I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
