All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
