it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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