all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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