Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
