how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
