you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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