I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
