one two three fourrrrnication!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
