whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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