PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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