What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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