you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
