Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
