So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
