Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
