My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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