I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
