I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
