i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't notice because vodka
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
