Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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