I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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