R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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