dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
