is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
