is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
