My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
