OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
