I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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