You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
