my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
