im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
