Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
