I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
