So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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