he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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