you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He better not be in your backpack
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
