it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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