Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize