he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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