her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
