So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
