Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
