I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
