Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I stole a fireplace last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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