if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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