Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
