We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
