you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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