i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
